I usually avoid looking in the mirror, unless it’s absolutely necessary. But, here’s a few hmmms I had this morning, whilst I was busy turning a chin resembling a pan scrubber into one as soft as a baby’s bottom…
– I want one of those magic razors that shaves in one easy stroke; leaving absolutely no discernible stubble what-so-ever (even when checked with an electron microscope; which of course we all keep tucked away in the bathroom cabinet). It goes without saying that I don’t wanna see any of those pesky nicks, that ordinary wet shavers give. (Who wants to walk round with itty-bitty pieces of toilet paper stuck to their face)?
Oh and whether it’s 17 parallel micro-blades and lubricating strip follow the contours of my face or not, is completely optional. As long as I don’t have to shave the same patch of skin two or three times, I’m not that fussed.
– On a similar theme, all the ladies out there (sexist pig ;o) would probably like one of those household cleaners that kills 99.9% of all household germs AND has the cloth gliding thru’ a ton of work surface grime in one easy wipe, picking up every molecule as it goes. (Not to be confused with one of the lesser cleaners: where you have to wrap the cloth around your index finger and pick at the dirt with your nail for half an hour. That won’t do at all).
– Ooh, Ooh. Who wants one of those amazing abs machines that in just 5 mins a day mysteriously sculpts ya whole body (including pecs and biceps)? Almost…as if…’you’d pumped serious iron in the gym all day and didn’t actually get that buffed in just 5 mins at all. Let alone with that (un)amazing abs machine‘. (We’re busy people. Busy I say. We can’t spend hours in the gym every day! 5 mins is doable tho’; especially if the abs last a lifetime and I can relegate the machine to a cupboard after a few weeks. If that’s the deal, count me in).
– And God forbid any ladies out there should suffer the dreaded orange-peel effect. What about a tub of that anti-cellulite cream if you wanna treat yourself? The kind that’s usually advertised by former girl next door types, (honest), who now look super slim and ultra toned as a hidden side effect. (Maybe you’ll get snapped up by amazing abs guy; especially when he learns he can get a toned bod from a tub; ‘stead of wasting 5 mins on a machine…every…single…day. Who knows)?
– Talking of creams; who’s for some of that cures all wrinkles cream? You know the one, where you apply a little to key points around the corners of your eyes and when people turn to look at your glowing smile…(wait, wait, I’m not ready yet)…it looks like you’ve been favorably lit and perhaps air-brushed a little. (It might co-incidentally straighten and whiten teeth too, I’m not sure? But certainly seems worth the modest fee).
– Mmmm…ice cream. Must be having a Homer morning. Now I’m wondering how many calories in a tub of chocolate-chip cookie dough? Actually didn’t taste that bad when I sampled some, (don’tcha just love suger), but I’m guessing the glycemic index is a tad higher than that of an apple.
All that talk of beauty, exercise and nutrition has got my perfectly sculpted abs rumbling. I’m off, to see if I can find an over-the-counter burger that actually looks anything like the one on the poster. (They’re never advertised with an obese person chowing down; so they must be healthy…right)?