OMG what an excellent movie this was…not !!! I normally prefer to write about films or music I enjoy, rather than harp on about stuff I hate. After all, it takes a lot more talent/effort to create something, than it does to rip it to shreds. But this movie was so and I mean soooo bad, that I felt compelled to warn you off.
I didn’t notice the flick was rated PG-13, so if I’d’ve known it was aimed at teenage girls who enjoy their eye candy Pettyfer flavored, I could’ve avoided it. (Though if I was a teenage boy I guess I could’ve watched it for Vanessa Hudgens. She’s cute enuff).
But even putting myself in a pair of teenage shoes, I’m not sure what I could’ve found to like about this movie? The story sucked and was of course predictable. The acting was wooden and insincere. The directing super lame, else the previous sentences wouldn’t apply. (They would’ve done take after take until it was a story vaguely worth the effort). Seriously it sucked more than all the vampire sh1t that’s doing the rounds these days. (And that’s saying something).
The story (like so many other American teenage flicks) centers around a good-looking/popular rich/cheer-leader/quarter-back character who’s obnoxious to the shy/weird/poor kids at school. This one has a run in with a witch…(O…K)…and is forced to live as the Beast, until he learns his lesson. Lesson being: he’s pretty on the outside and ugly on the inside. If, now that he’s ugly on the outside, he can just become pretty on the inside…and get someone to truly love him…the spell will be broken.
Trouble is: he’s obviously insincere and only wants to recover his looks and get back to the way things were. The little person he focuses his affections on is just a means to an end. The ugliness is actually achieved by a make-up artist that went to town armed with: a few novelty store scars and spirit glue, a swimming-cap/bald-wig and a felt tip pen. The character still has the same eyes, cheeks and six-pack. They could at least have given him a beer gut, some bitch tits and a hairy back for f**k’s sake.
Also the moral for our teenaged viewers seems to be: if you look like a punk rocker, your father will disown you, provide you with a blind private tutor (who won’t have to look at your ugly mug) and keep you away from school (so you don’t embarrass him). Oh and whatever you do, don’t leave the house unless you wear a hood and embrace the cover of darkness. Seriously, from shallow to shallower. (If that was at all possible).
The fact that he practically kidnaps a chick who already has a crush on him and spends his time saying deep & insightful things whilst staring into the distance. On the pretext that said chick, will look at him in awe…thinking: “Wow, this guy’s really sensitive…not like those other jerks”. Trouble with his master plan is that deep & insightful actually equates to any observation a regular person might make. But Hudgens‘ character seems oblivious to this and simply falls for his ruse. (Ah, OK. None too bright then).
Unlike my usual movie-related postings, I hope I have spoiled the plot for you; ‘cos there really wasn’t one worth mentioning to be honest. Suckville City Arizona as far as I’m concerned. Pheeeeew. Here endeth the rant…